It was Saturday night and that means that it was movie night. HBO was playing some boring movie, so it was time to turn on Netflix and get my list cleared out a little bit more. I have to say that I’ve been doing a decent job of doing that with the only problem being that when I take one item off, I usually end up adding another 5. It’s a never ending cycle. Anyway, I wanted to watch an actual horror movie this week since I’ve been trying to unsuccessfully the past couple of movie nights. XX looked promising, but the question is was it the horror movie I was looking for? Keep reading to find out.
XX promised to be an anthology of horror movies told in a woman’s perspective which had me intrigued and it also made me think of Trilogy of Terror. Anyone remember that movie? If you do leave me a comment down in the comments section below. Anyway, it started off with a little story called The Box. The box is about a woman on a train with her two kids. Nosey little Danny asks an old man to see what’s in the box he’s carrying. From there on out he refuses to eat. No one can figure out why little Danny doesn’t want to eat and things progressively get worse from there as he tells his sister, who then refuses to eat, before finally telling his father, who as you might have guessed will also refuse to eat. It’s up to the mother to find out in time what’s causing this or watch her family die of starvation. Next up is The Birthday Party. A mother is holding birthday party for her daughter only to find that her husband is dead in the other room. Why are we going to ruin a perfectly good birthday party though even though the girls father is dead? The plan is to somehow hide the fact that he’s dead. The mother will do this by hiding him in a panda suit. Will anyone find out that the girls father is dead or will they all go on to enjoy a happy little party? Next up is Don’t Fall where a group of friends decide to go hiking on some ancient grounds. That’s never good as one friend becomes possessed by some ancient markings that she touched on a wall. Will her three remaining friends survive the night? Finally is Her Only Living Son which revolves around a mother and her son. Her son is coming of age and she’s getting ready to celebrate his 18th birthday. Too bad though that her son is basically the devil’s son and he’ll have to decide whether he’s going to follow in his father’s footsteps or be the man his mother raised.
Holy hell this movie just totally sucked. I realized this from the first two minutes in, but just had to keep watching. What if I was missing something incredibly awesome by the time the movie ended? Turns out that I wasn’t and each and every short story was just worse than the one that came before it. Not to mention this wasn’t even a horror movie! What the hell is going on? Does anyone know how to define an actual horror movie anymore? Apparently not and apparently seeing things from a woman’s perspective in horror movies means that everything is extremely overly complicated and overly thought out to the point of exhaustion. This was kind of offensive since there aren’t that many strong women roles in horror movies, we usually get the screaming woman who’s running up the stairs trying to get away from whatever is chasing her. Who the hell would run up the stairs to get away from the big bad? Apparently the stupid women that most horror movies portray. For once, just once I would like to see a horror movie with a kick ass woman who doesn’t scream like a moron at every little thing and who doesn’t run up a flight of stairs when being chased. Anyway, this movie just follows the typical horror movie trope that women are basically useless and powerless.
This movie was filled with a cast of people that aren’t even worth mentioning because I had no idea who the hell they actually were. Some of them sort of looked familiar, but I would rather not mention them since they did such a horrible job at making this movie work. Each short story had a different cast and they all worked together horribly.
Overall I give this movie a 0 out of 5.
Yes that’s right a 0. This movie was the worst movie I have ever seen and isn’t even worthy of a rating. It should come with a big sign on it that says stay the hell away from me because I am horrible. This isn’t even one of those movies that you can watch and laugh at because it’s laughable. There was no laughing just a lot of eye rolling as I watched this movie and counted down the minutes for it to end. When they got to the fourth and final story I actually cheered because it meant that I had to sit thought one more piece of crap before this movie was over. Anyway, if you’ve ever listened to any of my movie advice, please listen to this one and just stay as far away from it as possible.