Goat Simulator Review (PS4)

Goat Simulator

I didn’t enjoy my time as a cat, you can read my review of Catlateral Damage here, so I figured I would try being a goat for a little bit. To be honest, this game has been on my radar since it came out because it seemed like a Surgeon Simulator or an I am Bread kind of game and I’ve been known to enjoy those from time to time. When this game went on sale, I knew that it was the perfect time to get it. Keep reading to see if I enjoyed my time spent playing as a goat.

The story for Goat Simulator is that there is no story. You got it, no story. You’ll wander around these two half towns, not even full towns, aimlessly. There are some objectives to complete but most of the time you’ll just be hitting random objects and getting thrown into the air so that you can ragdoll around before landing back on the ground and doing it all over again.

I was not a fan of this game at all. Not only was it pointless, but there were a bunch of things wrong with it. I’m not sure if it was meant to be like this as a sort of joke or what, but when I spend money on a game I don’t expect to be trolled within that game. Which is exactly what felt like happened while I played this game. I didn’t find anything about this game to be funny or entertaining in the least. It was just a stupid game. I don’t even say that lightly because I rarely call a game stupid. This is one of those times that can’t be helped though.

The playability of this game is weird and wonky, mostly because you’re playing as a goat. No matter what you do it seems like you can’t do anything right. I’m not sure if that’s the point of the game or what, but that’s how it is. Not to mention this whole game is just one big glitch fest. Falling through the level, weird view angles, and getting stuck in random places. The whole game itself has the worst playability I have ever seen in a game.

Now onto the graphics. Wow, these couldn’t even be the saving grace of this game because the graphics don’t even look like they’re from this generation. Once again I’m not sure if it was mean to be like this or if the graphics were just this bad. The whole game itself made me question everything. Was everything supposed to be this bad? Was this game just a big joke on a bunch of things that are bad within video games. I have no idea.

Trophies, oh yes there are trophies for this game. There are a total of 70 trophies for this game. 31 of them are for the game itself and then the others in DLC. While most of the trophies are generally easy. How hard can they be? There is just one. One lone trophy that will drive you insane. I went into detail about that trophy in a blog all on its own that you can read about here.

SERIOUSLY!? Why is there so much DLC for this game? Does the DLC have something that the regular game is missing, and who is really spending all of this money on Goat Simulator DLC and why are they doing it? These are all questions I have that I would like answered, but I don’t think they can be. I never seen such a horrible game have 3 DLC packs already. I’m not even sure if they plan on releasing more.

There is no multiplayer for this game, I really can’t see a town of goats running around and doing random crazy shit, but there is co-op. I have to say that I’m really happy there are no co-op trophies because I don’t think I would even be able to bribe anyone to play this game with me.

Overall I give this game a 1 out of 5.

What’s Great:
+ ???? I have nothing. If you think something is great about the game feel free to tell me in the comments section.

What’s Not So Great:
No story, no plot, no point.
Weird and wonky controls that are weird and wonky.
Total glitchfest.
Bad graphics, not sure if this was intentional or not but still bad.

Do not play this game. Seriously, do not give money to a developer who made a half-assed game about nothing. I could be totally wrong and this whole blog can discredit me, but I don’t see the point of this game, if there actually is one that’s maybe hidden, expect for random acts of stupidity. Sure this is good for a laugh or two because as I’ve said in the beginning I did enjoy my time with Surgeon Simulator and I am Bread, but at least those were done well, had an actual story, and an actual point. This game had none of that and the random acts of stupidity weren’t even funny. Not only did I waste money with this game, but I wasted time playing it.

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This Week in Trophies 02-19-2017 – 02-25-2017

I tried to game as much as possible this week and it basically paid off as I caught up what I was missing from when I was sick and it was a nice break from reality which wasn’t all too nice this week. There were a few surprise games thrown in there along with a surprise platinum trophy that I never thought I would get, so let’s get right into it and see what trophies I got for the week.

Goat Simulator – 64%

I made a vow to myself that if I didn’t get that stupid Flapmaster trophy then I wouldn’t bother with the rest of the trophies. Deciding last Sunday that I would give this trophy one last chance, I actually got it and then went for the rest of the trophies resulting in the platinum trophy for this game. My full review of the game will be up in a few weeks.

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For Honor – 47%

I’m still having a really great time playing this game and I’m enjoying the multiplayer, which is a big part of this game. The only problem I’m having is that the multiplayer has basically stopped working. Not a good thing since I’m almost done with my hard playthrough of the story mode and desperately want to complete some more multiplayer goals. I hope this gets fixed soon because if not it’s going to feel like a waste of $60 that could have been spent elsewhere.

For Honor For HonorFor Honor For HonorFor Honor For HonorFor Honor

LEGO Jurassic World – 100%

My second platinum trophy for the week and as always, I’m going to remain quite on this game until my review. You’ll see my full review of this game within the next couple of weeks as I still have a lot of game review coming up to get out of the way.

LEGO Jurassic World LEGO Jurassic WorldLEGO Jurassic World LEGO Jurassic WorldLEGO Jurassic World LEGO Jurassic WorldLEGO Jurassic World LEGO Jurassic WorldLEGO Jurassic World LEGO Jurassic WorldLEGO Jurassic World LEGO Jurassic WorldLEGO Jurassic World LEGO Jurassic WorldLEGO Jurassic World LEGO Jurassic WorldLEGO Jurassic World

The Four Kings Casino and Slots – 56%

With the addition of some new DLC for this game, I decided to get back into it not knowing that this had basically become PlayStation Home 2.0. This was not what I signed up for and I’m not really happy with it, but it is what it is. The bowling addition that was added on takes a bunch of time to get into the game since there are only 6 lanes open, each at a different price range, and each game takes a hell of a long time with up to 6 people playing. Not all that fun at all.

Four Kings Casino and Slots Four Kings Casino and Slots

Gauntlet – 26%

With For Honor multiplayer not working, I wanted to play something that was already on my system and not start something new since Horizon: Zero Dawn comes out this upcoming week, so I chose this game. It’s been a while since I played but I had a good time playing and even got a trophy so it was a win-win.

Gauntlet

That was it for this week. Not a bad week at all with two platinum trophies and a bunch of other trophies in-between. Now for the upcoming week, I plan on continuing to play For Honor hoping that the multiplayer starts working again, until Horizon: Zero Dawn comes out I’ll be playing some random games that are on my system, and then finally being able to play Horizon: Zero Dawn. I’ll let you know how everything went next week.

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Controller Breaking Trophies – Goat Simulator – The Flapmaster

Goat Simulator

I’m typically not one to complain about things like trophies. Being a trophy hunter, I know that hard to get trophies come with the territory, but sometimes these trophies are just either so stupid, so luck based, or just so UGH, that I needed a place to rant and rave about them so that I don’t lose my mind. While I’m pretty sure this won’t be an every week type of thing, just a I’ve been trying to get this trophy so long and I’m ready to throw my controller out the window type thing, I hope you’ll join me on a new blog and let me know if you feel the same way or maybe it’s just me.

The Game: Goat Simulator
The Trophy: The Flapmaster

Not only am I not a fan of this pointless game, but this damn trophy has been giving me such a hard time that I was just about ready to give up and throw in the towel. This doesn’t happen easily for me as I am one to go for the ultra-rare trophies and at least give them a good try before deciding if it’s worth it or not. There’s just something about this trophy though that doesn’t sit right with me.

Based on face value it seems like an easy trophy. All you have to do is score ten points in the flappy goat mini game that’s within the game. Either a pun off of Flappy Birds or just a rip off of a ripped off game to begin with, scoring 10 points isn’t as easy as it looks. There are things to consider, like you only have to press one button and jump between these objects sticking out of the top and bottom of the screen. You have to have the screen positioned just right so that you can actually see what you’re doing, and the damn game cheats. How does it cheat? Take a look at the pictures below.

Goat Simulator

At this point, I’m only 1 point in so it’s ok. I’ve clearly passed the barrier, but the game doesn’t think so.

Goat Simulator

I’m now 5 points in and the game still cannot see that I have clearly passed the barrier. It’s ok. Deep breath and give it one more try.

Goat Simulator

SERIOUSLY! Another deep breath. Ok. Close this time, but still. One more try?

Goat Simulator

WTF! Seriously Goat Simulator! SERIOUSLY! And now starts the raging because I am 9 points in. All I needed was one more damn point. One more barrier to jump through.

This isn’t the only four times this has happened to me, but if I shared every single screen shot of when this happened, this blog would be miles long. You do see what I’m talking about though right? I clearly did not hit the object sticking out of the top of the screen but there seems to be an imaginary box around “flappy goat” that says that I did. To me this is just bad programming which for this game isn’t really a surprise.

So how much time have you spent trying to get this trophy? More time than I’m willing to admit.
Have you gotten the trophy yet? Yes! After spending way too many hours trying I finally was able to get this trophy. This just had to be by good old fashioned dumb luck because I have no idea on how I would have gotten it otherwise. At least the top picture proves that I have gotten the trophy.

Now it’s your turn. Have you played this game and encountered the same exact problem that I did? Maybe you got this trophy and think that it’s just me who had a hard time. Let me know in the comments section and since we’re already on this path, why not go with another controller breaking trophy right off the bat. I’m talking about a trophy that I did finally get after weeks and weeks of trying and way before the patch that made it easier to get, it’s Watch_Dog’s Social Lubricant Trophy.

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These Past Two Weeks in Trophies 01-29-2017 – 02-11-2017

Thanks to being sick with the flu for over a week, I’m not 100% better but I am well enough to get some gaming in and finally continue with my blog which I have missed. I want to thank all of my well wishers and people who continue to read even though I’ve had no new content. I truly apologize and completely blame a fellow co-worker who not only made me miss two paid days of work, but also made me miss doing this. She will not be named, but do know that I’m not her biggest fan. Anyway, let’s get to the trophies because there are two weeks worth of them and there are kinda a lot.

Catlateral Damage – 100%

I finally experienced what it was like to play as a cat. Was it a good one or a bad one? You’ll have to wait until my full blog on the game to come out in order to find out.

Catlateral Damage Catlateral DamageCatlateral Damage Catlateral DamageCatlateral Damage

Hitman Go: Definitive Edition – 100%

Another game that I was able to start and then actually finish before my week in review so as always I can’t say much about it here. My full review will be up in a couple of weeks so you’ll have to wait just a little bit longer to see what I thought about the game as a whole.

Hitman GO: Definitive Edition Hitman GO: Definitive EditionHitman GO: Definitive Edition Hitman GO: Definitive EditionHitman GO: Definitive Edition Hitman GO: Definitive EditionHitman GO: Definitive Edition Hitman GO: Definitive EditionHitman GO: Definitive Edition Hitman GO: Definitive EditionHitman GO: Definitive Edition Hitman GO: Definitive EditionHitman GO: Definitive Edition Hitman GO: Definitive EditionHitman GO: Definitive Edition Hitman GO: Definitive EditionHitman GO: Definitive Edition

Stardew Valley – 44%

Like with most games, my love of this game has been wavering just a little. It might be because I’m sick and easily annoyed or it could be that the game has become tedious and it’s the same thing over and over again lately as I play. Either way I’m still playing when I get a chance in order to see if I’m missing something or if maybe I’ve already completed the game and I just don’t know it.

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Overwatch – 16%

Oh how I completely and utterly suck at this game…let me count the ways. No matter how hard I try or which character I use I really just suck at this game. A big thank you to my buddy @klorg for putting up with me as I struggle to play on the same level as him. I’ll continue to play this game from time to time as I’m determined to become a somewhat decent player.

Overwatch: Origins Edition Overwatch: Origins Edition

Gems of War – 91%

A little birdy told me this week, thanks LMD, that it is super easy to buy this new character and then quickly level him up to mystic status. I’m pretty sure you can still do it now so if you have a lot of glory wings you can do this too. Anyway, this kind of got me back into the game and I’ve been playing occasionally again.

Gems of War

Goat Simulator – 53%

Now again, I don’t know if it’s being sick or if this game is just the worst game that I have ever played. EVER. This is a big statement to make but seriously, whoever thought this was a good game I don’t even know what to say. There’s no point, there’s nothing funny about it, it’s just…stupid. I don’t use this word lightly and I don’t even see how there is so much damn DLC for this game about nothing, but there you have it.

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No Man’s Sky – 1%

I said I would never play this game, but it was given to me as a gift. Shows you how well people know me and I figured since I already played one crappy game, Goat Simulator, how crappy could this one be too? Pretty damn crappy. I’m going to give this one a little bit more of a try though even though I cringe just thinking about it. I really have no idea why I even decided to play this game. It’s been a pretty sad week. I even fell asleep while playing.

No Man's Sky

LEGO Jurassic World – 10%

I played this game because I thought enough time had passed since I played my last LEGO game which was a Star Wars one. I’m a big Jurassic Park fan and I figured a Lego version of it would be cool to play because well…Lego Dinosaurs am I right? Anyway I’m on the fence so far about this game, but I do enjoy playing it at the moment.

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That was it, a nice haul for two weeks, half of which I was so sick I couldn’t even lift my PS4 controller along with just getting annoyed with anything that I played. I’m really hoping that it’s just the fact that I’m really cranky when I’m sick. I know it’s horrible but still. Anyway, moving on as I become better each and every day until one day the flu is just completely gone, I’ll try to get in as much gaming as possible. With the amount of games that I’ve played this past two weeks it’s hard to say what I’ll be playing but I do know that I will be playing For Honor when it comes out on Tuesday. Other than that everything is up in the air and I’ll let you know how things turned out next week.

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