I didn’t enjoy my time as a cat, you can read my review of Catlateral Damage here, so I figured I would try being a goat for a little bit. To be honest, this game has been on my radar since it came out because it seemed like a Surgeon Simulator or an I am Bread kind of game and I’ve been known to enjoy those from time to time. When this game went on sale, I knew that it was the perfect time to get it. Keep reading to see if I enjoyed my time spent playing as a goat.
The story for Goat Simulator is that there is no story. You got it, no story. You’ll wander around these two half towns, not even full towns, aimlessly. There are some objectives to complete but most of the time you’ll just be hitting random objects and getting thrown into the air so that you can ragdoll around before landing back on the ground and doing it all over again.
I was not a fan of this game at all. Not only was it pointless, but there were a bunch of things wrong with it. I’m not sure if it was meant to be like this as a sort of joke or what, but when I spend money on a game I don’t expect to be trolled within that game. Which is exactly what felt like happened while I played this game. I didn’t find anything about this game to be funny or entertaining in the least. It was just a stupid game. I don’t even say that lightly because I rarely call a game stupid. This is one of those times that can’t be helped though.
The playability of this game is weird and wonky, mostly because you’re playing as a goat. No matter what you do it seems like you can’t do anything right. I’m not sure if that’s the point of the game or what, but that’s how it is. Not to mention this whole game is just one big glitch fest. Falling through the level, weird view angles, and getting stuck in random places. The whole game itself has the worst playability I have ever seen in a game.
Now onto the graphics. Wow, these couldn’t even be the saving grace of this game because the graphics don’t even look like they’re from this generation. Once again I’m not sure if it was mean to be like this or if the graphics were just this bad. The whole game itself made me question everything. Was everything supposed to be this bad? Was this game just a big joke on a bunch of things that are bad within video games. I have no idea.
Trophies, oh yes there are trophies for this game. There are a total of 70 trophies for this game. 31 of them are for the game itself and then the others in DLC. While most of the trophies are generally easy. How hard can they be? There is just one. One lone trophy that will drive you insane. I went into detail about that trophy in a blog all on its own that you can read about here.
SERIOUSLY!? Why is there so much DLC for this game? Does the DLC have something that the regular game is missing, and who is really spending all of this money on Goat Simulator DLC and why are they doing it? These are all questions I have that I would like answered, but I don’t think they can be. I never seen such a horrible game have 3 DLC packs already. I’m not even sure if they plan on releasing more.
There is no multiplayer for this game, I really can’t see a town of goats running around and doing random crazy shit, but there is co-op. I have to say that I’m really happy there are no co-op trophies because I don’t think I would even be able to bribe anyone to play this game with me.
Overall I give this game a 1 out of 5.
+ ???? I have nothing. If you think something is great about the game feel free to tell me in the comments section.
What’s Not So Great:
– No story, no plot, no point.
– Weird and wonky controls that are weird and wonky.
– Total glitchfest.
– Bad graphics, not sure if this was intentional or not but still bad.
Do not play this game. Seriously, do not give money to a developer who made a half-assed game about nothing. I could be totally wrong and this whole blog can discredit me, but I don’t see the point of this game, if there actually is one that’s maybe hidden, expect for random acts of stupidity. Sure this is good for a laugh or two because as I’ve said in the beginning I did enjoy my time with Surgeon Simulator and I am Bread, but at least those were done well, had an actual story, and an actual point. This game had none of that and the random acts of stupidity weren’t even funny. Not only did I waste money with this game, but I wasted time playing it.